Michael DeRuyter — a family systems leadership coach, pastor, and foster/adoptive parent himself — talks through what it actually takes to parent kids who’ve been through trauma, without falling into the trap of anxiously trying to fix every hard moment.

The core idea, borrowed from Bowen Family Systems Theory, is that a parent’s calm, steady presence does more good than constant intervention. If you’re fostering, adopting, or just parenting a kid who’s had a rough start, this one’s worth your commute.